I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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