To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
