I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
