Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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