I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
