I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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