my mouth tastes like poor choices
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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