morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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