Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
