i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
