I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
