I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
