im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
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I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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