too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
