You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............