i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?