Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
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I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt