Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.