Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The pigeons can smell the fear
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream