I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!