So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.