Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
