there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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