Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
