All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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