Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just want nice things and good sex
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
