So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
