my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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