areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
