There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
