tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
