if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
