guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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