Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
