last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
