Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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