you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
