I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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