my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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