Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
