Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
