Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize