What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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