god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize