This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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