Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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