if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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