his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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