I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
