Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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