Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i need some magic done to my vagina
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
