A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
