I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
