doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I want a musical about memes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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