How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
