guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
