chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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