I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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