dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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