Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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