it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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