So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
