Just mADE A PArabola og urine
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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