you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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