she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
