At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
