My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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