piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
