We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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