But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
