you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
